One of the biggest struggles for me, and other hopeful gainers, is the ability to gain with confidence. To me that is what is so sexy about the gainers I have met: The ability to go against the societal norm and love each new pound. As I have dabbled with gaining, I would put on some weight and love it. But I'd keep getting to the same point, 185 pounds, and suddenly feel incredibly self-conscious. Some gainers yearn for this point, where the world notices their gain. But that is the point where I feel like there is no going back, and I get there and realize I'm not ready.
When I first discovered the online fat-loving community, I was entranced by gainer fiction. Yet, as time has gone on I've realized that my favorite stories are ones where the guy gaining the weight doesn't have control of the situation. Something happens in the story and the guy gains weight unaware of what is causing it. Some involve actual bondage themes. I think that is the problem for me. I am drawn to the lack of control, and for various reasons it scares me.
I lack the confidence to feel comfortable intentionally getting fat, so I begin to fantasize about situations where I am not in control...relieving some level of the uneasiness. But that crops up issues with wanting to loose control without actual doing so. To have my cake and eat it too.
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4 years ago
I totally understand. For me, in my mid-30s after fantasising about fat for many years, I have finally started gaining. It feels like a really radical thing.
ReplyDeleteSo I don't freak out, I've told myself: gain 10lbs and then we'll see where I'm at... take it a step at a time because it's all reversible.
Can you add a link to my blog? I'm at http://secretgaygainer.blogspot.com
The lack of control thing is what makes it hot for me. Reading fiction, if it's not his own doing and he doesn't realize what's happening until it's too late... that's amazing. Then to have all these other people pick up on and their feeling ENTITLED to belittle and poke fun at. Can be so cruel, but in this world, the cliches all WORK.
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